


Live Through This Frerard Fanfiction

by iLoVeMcR9981



Category: MCR - Fandom, My Chemical Romance, ferard - Fandom, ferardfanfiction - Fandom, frerard - Fandom, frerardfanfiction - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demons, Cancer, Demons, Ferard, FrankIero, Frerard, GerardWay, Hell, M/M, MCR, cancer!gerard, ferardfanfic, ferardfanfiction, frerardfanfic, frerardfanfiction, mychemicalromance - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-01-25 13:54:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1651037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iLoVeMcR9981/pseuds/iLoVeMcR9981
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank and Gerard are best friends. Gerard is diagnosed with cancer and Frank does everything possible to stay with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cancer

**Chapter One: Cancer**

**Frank's POV**

I watch the rain dripping slowly down my window, each drop racing the next, leaving streaks from their slow run. I heard someone behind me, and I immediately knew who it was: Gerard. He tapped on my shoulder.

"Frank..." he muttered. I just blocked him out, staring still at the raindrops on the window. The raindrops are like Gerard. they're slow moving and beautiful to watch; radiant even. But they eventually run their course, fade out, and leave. Leaving behind nothing more than a mark to remember them by. But Gerard wasn't a raindrop. Raindrops could never hurt me the way Gerard did. Raindrops don't come back from hospitals with cancer diagnoses. Raindrops' parents don't make them move away from their best friend. 

My thoughts were interrupted by Gerard laying his head softly on my shoulder, half afraid that I'd jerk away, but I didn't. I let his mop of greasy black hair brush against my neck, and nuzzle into me. His scent was familiar, but it overwhelmed me. He smelled like Gerard, like coffee, paint, and now hospitals. But, it didn't matter how used to it I was, I melted every time. I leaned my head against his and sighed. I closed my eyes tight, willing the tears to regress back into my sockets. My breath hitched as a sob threatened to escape my tightly pursed lips. Gerard let out a tiny whimper and wrapped his arms around my waist loosely, his hands wandering over my hips and stomach until they found each other and clasped together. 

"What are we gonna do...?" he buried his face in my shoulder, breathing me in slowly and steadily. 

I just shook my head. "I don't know..." I replied simply, afraid that if I dared to say more I wouldn't be able to hold back my tears any longer. Gerard was my best and only friend; I needed him. We were practically inseparable, and he helped me through everything: even my depression. Whenever I was down he'd come over with sci-fi movies and junk food just to cheer me up. He'd lay on the couch in my room with me, my smaller figure pressed against his as he whispered soothing things in my ear. We always had movies playing in the background, but being with Gerard drowned it out. His presence hit me like a wave every time. The rasp of his soft voice; his strong arms around me, tracing little circles on my hips; the smell that was so distinctly him. At the end of each movie I'd roll over and wrap my arms around his waist tightly. I pressed my face into his chest and he held me, stroking my back gently. He made everything okay, or at least better. But everything changed a few months ago when he started getting sick a lot. At first it was only some colds, but it got worse. Eventually, he had to stay at the hospital for weeks to find out what the problem was. By then end of those weeks we knew. I knew that my best friend and secret love of my life had cancer. I had to be strong for him now like he'd always been for me. I laid down on his sterile white hospital bed, looking into his now glassy hazel eyes. His black hair looked out of place against the pale white of his skin. He even looked sick, but he was still beautiful, even then.

I laid with him there until he had to go into chemo. The doctors made me go home until he was done and all the emotions I'd felt from the past weeks came flooding out. I ran all the way home, tears pouring out, staining my cheeks and t-shirt. I flung my door open and threw myself on my bed, sobbing into my pillow. The thought of Gerard being hurt in the slightest hurt me; I wished it was me who got the cancer, anyone but Gerard. It took days, but I was finally allowed to see Gerard. He was weak and tired, but I could lay with him again; my arms tight around his torso.

He smiled at me as best as he could. "Hey. Frankie." he mumbled.

"Hi.." I whispered back, my voice raspy and nearly inaudible. I was speaking to Gerard. He was okay. He was here with me and I'd never have to leave him again. It made me feel better at the time, but it wasn't the truth. His parents came in to tell us about their big move. Donna was frantic with the planning, trying to get Gerard out as soon as possible to the best hospitals in the nation. I couldn't hold back my tears. I just sobbed into Gerard's chest, warm tear drops falling onto my head. He was crying with me. 

I shook from the memory. He's been discharged for now, and I can stay with him for the time being; that would have to be enough. I hiccuped a little, still trying hard not to cry. Gerard just held me. 

"I'll be okay, Frank..  _We'll_  be okay... I can't leave you.." 

I crawled into his lap, my arms tight around him still. "Gerard..." I couldn't hold it back anymore. I sobbed into his shoulder, soaking his t-shirt. "I love you, Gerard..." 

He broke down. "I l-love you, too.." he sobbed. "I don't wanna do this without you..." 

I held him even tighter, wishing I could somehow become a part of Gerard so no one could ever separate us. So we could always be together. 

"Frank..." he sobbed. It was strange seeing Gerard like this. I'd never thought of him as anything less than strong, unbreakable; Superman. He now looked vulnerable, sick and afraid, and it made my heart droop down into my stomach. 

"I can't leave you.." I tried to sound decisive; sure of myself. but my voice cracked and shattered into a whimper. 

"I-I have to go..." he sniffed and tried to stop the tears, but they just kept flowing out in torrents. 

"I'm going wherever you're going.. Remember in fifth grade...? The pact..?" my voice broke again but I pushed through the sob rising in my throat. "Best friends forever, no matter what. I'm going with you." 

He was still sobbing uncontrollably, but pulled back a bit in my arms to look at me. My heart skipped and pounded against my chest. I wanted to kiss him so badly; kiss away his cancer, his pain his tears... but I couldn't. I settled for brushing his shaggy hair, now damp with tears, away from his eyes. He stared into my eyes like he'd never seen me before, and nodded his head, murmuring a soft "Okay." 

"Promise?" he asked in a small voice, sounding like a small child. 

"Always." I held out my pinkie finger, and he interlocked it with his. "I can't live without air, or water, or you. We'll live through this together. I promise." I wrapped my arms around him slowly, squeezing him tightly. He sighed, a hint of relief poking through, and relaxed in my arms. I couldn't handle the pain, but I definitely couldn't deal without Gerard. This was a journey we'd have to take together, no matter what. 


	2. My Way Home is Through You

**Frank's POV**

 

Three weeks later:

I dropped my backpack on the floor and ran to my room, hoping my mother wouldn’t notice me. I wasn’t so lucky.

“Frankie?” she called out. “You’re home?”

I groaned quietly and slipped out of my room to face my mother. Her dark hair hung in front of her face as she watched TV.

“Hi, Mom…” I sighed. Usually I got along great with my mother, but ever since I’d told her about going to live with Gerard, that changed. She wasn’t angry, and she agreed to let me go, but she liked to guilt trip me.

“How’s Gerard? He’s still moving to California?”

“Yes.” I didn’t look her in the eye. I knew where this was going.

“It’s so far away… I’m gonna miss my only baby. I’ll have to live here all alone.. Since your father left..”

I turned away and stomped back to my room. I didn’t need that. I already knew every bit of what she was saying, but Gerard needed me. I bit my lip and turned around, holding my head high as I approached my mother again.

“I think I should live with Gerard until the move..” her face fell, but I had to convince her. “So if I don’t like it.. I could stay here instead of moving to California.”

She immediately perked up. “Okay!”

I chuckled nervously. “Okay.. I’ll uh go pack…”

“Have fun..” she sighed and turned her attention back to whatever melodramatic show she was watching at the time.

I sprinted back to my room and shoved all the shit I’d need into a suitcase and grabbed my guitar. I checked my hair in the mirror then climbed out my window to go to Gerard’s house. It was dark, but his house wasn’t far away, only a few blocks. I padded up his lawn and to his window, looking around to see if anyone was still out. I picked up a few stones and tossed them at Gerard’s window, only hard enough to alert him of my presence.

The window opened slowly, and Gerard peeked out behind his messy hair. “Frank..” his grin was lopsided and excited.

I smiled at him and gave him my arm to pull me in through his window. “Hi Gee.”

He threw his arms around me, squeezing me hard against him.

“Something wrong..?” I let him hold me and rub my back, but he just shook his head.

“No… I’m okay.”

I nodded a little. “I’m moving in.”

His smile widened into a grin, and he hugged me even tighter. I smiled back and nuzzled into his chest. Sometimes he gets like that, where he doesn’t want to talk at all. He just wants to cuddle and feel, which I don’t mind at all. I pulled him to his bed and laid with him, cuddling into his side. He sighed happily and fell asleep. I played with his hair as he slept, sometimes letting my hand slide down to hold his face, caressing it gently. I closed my eyes, my face centimeters from his. His warm breath fell across my face and soft snores fell from his lips. I smiled a little and finally fell asleep.

The next morning, my lips were against Gerard’s, but he was still asleep. I blushed brightly and pulled away, the sudden movements awakening him.

“Hm?” he yawned.

I stroked his hair softly. “Nothing, Gee..”

A small smile flickered across his lips as he fell asleep again.

 

 

**Gerard's POV**

 

My day started late. I felt like shit. I, being me, was reluctant to go all the way to California. Frank was sacrificing so much for me, and truth be told, I kind of didn’t want him there. Of course, I do loved him and wanted to see that beautiful smile each day, but part of me didn’t want him to see me this way. I looked how I felt; terrible.

I woke up with Frank’s lips on mine. Pretending to be asleep, I closed my eyes as if I could capture this moment and store it in my memories. If I was going to make it through this, I would need many happy things to think of. I wanted him for myself, but I was too afraid of what he might say if I actually admitted to that.

I felt him pull his lips away from mine and had to keep myself from sighing. He shook me gently; I hummed as if I had really just woken up.

“Nothing, Gee.” He messed with my hair a little before laying back down.

The next few days went somewhat like this, besides the lips thing. My parents didn’t ask for us to do anything. Mostly, I slept while Frank got on my computer. I barely ate anything, but today was different. I was beginning to regain my appetite.

“Here you go,” Frankie whispered, setting down the bowl of warm soup on the nightstand next to me. I propped myself against the wall and started down at the yellow-ish liquid with noodles and chunks of what was supposed to be chicken. Though I was feeling a little queasy, I forced down a few bites. The next thing to come was one of the worst feelings in my opinion. The bowl ended up on the hardwood floor as I raced to the bathroom. The little I had eaten in the last two days had sloshed around in my stomach long enough. I threw it all up in the toilet.

Suddenly, my hair was being pulled out of my face. The soothing sound of Frank’s voice filled my ears and I felt him rubbing my back in small motions.

“Shh,” he reassured. “You’re going to be alright, swee-” He cut himself off. “Gee. You’re going to be alright, Gee.” I so desperately wanted him to finish the sentence he started before, but I said nothing about it.

I tried to speak, but my sentence only came in fragments. “I. . . shower. . .” I felt Frank’s body shake with laughter.

“Well Damn, Gerard,” he mumbled. “You just violently puked up your guts and now you insist you must shower.” I turned to puke again. At this point it was nothing but stomach acid. “I suggest we start with a mint.”

When Frank looked at the toilet bowl, he paled. I could tell he wanted to scream. I couldn’t stop puking. Then I saw it.

I wanted to curse, but it barely came to a whisper.

“Donna!” Frank called. “Donna, we need you! Gerard is throwing up blood!” Tears sprang to my eyes. It burned so bad. It made me hurt all over. I felt dizzy, as if I might pass out. I heard my mom gasp from the doorway and say something about calling an ambulance before scrambling away.

The last thing I remember was being held by Frank and saying, “Please don’t let me die.”

 

**Frank's POV**

 

“Please don’t let me die…”

I whimpered and picked him up, holding him tightly in my arms. “Gerard” I sobbed. He laid still in my arms, his head falling over my arms. Soon we could hear loud sirens coming from outside and EMTs rushed in, ripping Gerard from my arms. I cried harder and ran after them, stumbling as I went. I ran all the way to the hospital to the room I knew they were taking Gerard. They had one reserved just in case. Men and women flew in, rushing about the room at lightspeed. Gerard was still passed out on the hospital bed, not responding no matter what the doctors tried, but he still had a heartbeat. I stood in the corner, unsure of what to do. The scene blurred through my tears, becoming a mess of navy blue hospital uniforms, sterile white walls and Gerard’s crimson vomit. I gasped his name and fell to the floor, sobbing and heaving. I couldn’t stand up. I was losing him. I thrashed and curled into myself, coughing wildly and screaming his name.

A blonde nurse knelt beside me. “Sh. Sweetie. We’re gonna take you somewhere to cool down..”

A few men picked me up with ease and carried me away from Gerard. I screamed louder the further we got. I couldn’t leave him in there alone. He couldn’t leave me here alone. I cried until there weren’t any tears left, and the nurses gave me a shot in my arm. Sleep washed over me, and I welcomed it. Maybe I’d dream of a healthy Gerard.


	3. The Light Behind Your Eyes

**Gerard's POV**

I woke up to a bright ass light shining in my face. Not again, I thought. This was getting really old, really fast. The Chemo wasn’t working, I just knew it. Nobody was in the room, not even Frank who was always there when I woke up. Something was off about this room. It didn’t look how it usually did. My heart began to race; I was scared. A man, the doctor I was going with, walked into the room.

“Ah, Mr. Way,” he said, voice soothing, yet edgy at the same time like all doctors’ voices. “You’re awake.”

“W-where am I?” I sounded drunk. They had me all doped up, and I hated the feeling of not being in control of what happened with me. There was a tube coming from my neck and another in my arm. I was in pain despite being heavily medicated.

I heard him sigh. “You are in the UCLA Medical Center in Los Angeles, California. We put you in a medically induced coma for three days after the incident with the vomiting blood.” I nodded slowly, still a little lost. “The tube in your neck is your feeding tube. We can have it removed tomorrow if you are up to eating anything, though you will be on an all liquid diet for the time being.”

This guy sounded very tired, like he had been up all night. He probably hadn’t considering he worked at a hospital. There was still one question on my mind.

I asked, “Is Frank here? Or my mom?” He held up a finger and walked out of the room. Moment later, he returned with Frank. He looked exhausted with shadows under his eyes and greasy hair. I suddenly realized how disgusting I must have looked. I really wanted to take a shower, but that probably wouldn’t happen at least for the next couple days.

“Hey, Gee,” said Frank while sitting on the chair next to me. “How’re you feeling?”

“Why did you come to California with me?” I questioned, ignoring him. He smiled and looked down. Frank sighed a little, then looked me in the eyes.

“I knew you were going to ask that,” He stated. “I told you that I was only going to help you move, but truthfully I’m staying up here to be with you the whole time.”

“The whole time? Until what?” I needed to hear him say it. Nobody else would.

“Until you get better.”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, come on, Frank. We both know that’s not going to happen. Please just say it.”

He breathed in sharply. “I can’t do that, Gerard. You have a chance.”

“Bullshit!” I yelled. The heart monitor started beeping rapidly. He stroked my arm.

“Please don’t make me say it.” His voice was barely a whisper. “Not yet.” I apologized, not being able to look him in the eyes. “Hey, don’t do that.” He wiped a tear that was running down my cheek. I really wanted to kiss him and hold him and tell him that I loved him, but I couldn’t.

Frank leaned his head on my shoulder. The heart monitor, once again, let us know that my heart started to beat quickly. I tried my best to calm down and not throw something at the machine. He was breathing deeply.

“Are you smelling me?” I asked, looking down at him the best I could with a tube in my neck. My voice was still scratchy and hoarse.

“N-no.” He blushed.

“You know, the last time I took a shower was about a week ago, so if you think I smell good now, then. . .” He chuckled. “What do I smell like?”

“Rainbows,” he said, his voice very serious. I burst out laughing, which caused a terrible pain in my neck. I tried not to let him know that it hurt so much to laugh, though I knew he could tell. The doctor walked in with a nurse.

“May we have a moment alone with Mr. Way, please?” Frank nodded, gave me an apologetic look, then walked out the door. I wiped my sweaty palms on the white sheet of the hospital bed. If I had anything in my stomach, I probably would’ve thrown up again. “We originally thought that you would only need a lower dosage of chemotherapy, but I am sorry to inform you that you will need more than we thought.” I sucked in my breath. I really hated treatment, it made me so weak. Sometimes I felt like it made me sicker than the actual cancer itself.

“You will begin to lose some of your hair,” the female nurse informed me, “but there is an option to wear a special cold packet during days of treatment to save most of your hair.” I loved my hair.

“That would be nice.” I noticed she was holding a syringe. She followed my gaze to it.

She told me, “We’re going to give you this to help you get back to sleep for the night.”

The doctor spoke up again. “We need you to be very well rested for tomorrow.” Well, I just slept for three days. . . I nodded and the doctor left me with the nurse.

After injection my arm with the medication, the nurse tried to have a conversation with me. “I know it’s none of my business, but is that your boyfriend out there?” I almost laughed.

“No. . . He’s just a great friend of mine. My best friend.” She blushed.

“My apologies, Sir. Would you like me to get him for you before you get too sleepy?”

“Actually, is my mom here?”

She thought for a moment. “She left about half an hour ago to get some rest.” I asked her to go get Frank for me after she said that. Seconds later, my greatest love walked over to me.

“Gerard, you look drunk.” I noticed my eyes were only half open. I smiled at him. He sat in the chair next to the bed yet again. He pointed to the TV hanging on from the ceiling. “You wanna watch some TV?” I nodded and he grabbed the remote. Some comedy show was on MTV. My eyes began to get heavier and heavier as time went on until I eventually drifted off to sleep.

  
  **Frank's POV**

Gerard drifted to sleep peacefully. I sighed, relieved. I couldn’t let him see how upset all of this was making me. It would just make him worse. I stroked his cheek softly as he slept, watching over him. I crawled in with him, wriggling underneath the stiff white sheets and curling into his warm body.

“Gerard…” I muttered under my breath. “I want to talk to you so badly…”

I could talk to him of course, but I couldn’t be honest with him. I didn’t know if or when he’d be better. It hurt more than I could ever let him know. I sighed and closed my eyes.

“Night, Gee…”

***************************************************************************************************************

I woke up the next morning with Gerard’s arms tight around me. I smiled a little and tightened my arms around him.

“Hi, Frankie.” his smile was soft and innocent, his eyes doughy.

“Hey” I smiled back, forgetting where we were and why for just a few seconds, but then it hit me like a ton of bricks and it was different. Gerard caught onto my expression.

“What’s wrong…?”

“Nothing’s wrong, swee-... Gerard..” I blushed and hugged him. “I love you.”

He hugged back, obviously confused. “Uh.. I uh love you, too, Frankie.” He forced a smile back onto his face, pulling his lips back over his tiny teeth. It was still adorable, no matter how they’d yellowed since he’d started treatment. He caught me staring again.

“Look.. I know I look gross and disgusting and shit.. but you don’t have to stare..” his cheeks were turning red with either anger or embarrassment.

“N-no.. That’s not why I was staring.. I… uh you look really nice…”

He glowered at me. “Nice…” he looked away and loosened his arms around my torso. My heart sank.

“Gerard… I meant.. You don’t look different.. I mean you do… but you’re still Gerard...You still have little freckles and tiny teeth and… and you.. I really like it… You still look cute…” I tried not to sound like I was coming onto him. His arms tightened around me again.

“You’re a liar, but you’re a sweet liar so I’ll take it..”

I blushed and hugged him, not saying another word. The door swung open and a nurse rushed in.

“We need Gerard for more therapy.” she stated coldly with no hint of emotion.

 I nodded and kissed his cheek before walking slowly out the door. I closed the door behind me and burst into tears. I saw what was going on. He had a shit load of morphine and who knows what else being pumped into him, and his heart rate monitor never looked quite the way it should. His eyes were fading, and his skin was paling. Gerard was dying, slipping through my fingers. I couldn’t save him.


	4. Dead

**< AN>THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY!!! THERE ARE STILL MANY CHAPTERS YET TO COME, AS WELL AS AN ALTERNATE ENDING.  THIS IS NOT THE ENDING</AN>**

 

**Gerard's POV**

I felt my heartbeat getting weaker and weaker. I couldn’t speak and could barely move. I tried to tell the nurses to stop, and that treatment was killing me, but they were walking away. How were they oblivious to the fact that my heart was irregular? Maybe they thought that this was normal for me, since my heartbeat had a different pattern every time Frank walked in.

Using the last of my strength, I felt for the tube in my left arm. I found it, and tried to enclose my fingers so I could rip it out of the back of my elbow. I succeeded, finally, but it was too late. My heart was failing. The tube in my neck restricted my movement, and if I were to rip that out, I would bleed out. I reached out and-

Fuck. I was too far away. If this hospital was so great, why did they move my bed away from the nurse’s button? There was a sensation by my knee. The remote. I couldn’t sit up, so I had to contort my body to pick up the remote. Finally, as my heartbeat got weaker and weaker, I got it. I threw it at the button, and two nurses ran into my room. I pointed at the monitor before the control was taken from my body. I was paralyzed.

The monitor flatlined, but I could still hear everything. I then realized that I was watching myself from the other side of the room. A figure in a dark cloak floated above me. I saw something being taken from me. Light.

“Get away from me!” I screamed. The creature ignored me and continued. Nobody heard me, but I kept yelling. “Go away!” I walked over to it and through one of the nurses, who was trying so desperately to revive me. I tried to push it away, but my hands just passed through it.

Everything in the room disappeared except for my lifeless body laying on the bed. The room was dark besides the one light behind my dead face. I heard a doctor’s voice echo across the room.

“Time of death: 10:13 a.m.”

The light faded and I was left alone in the dark. There was a clicking noise coming from somewhere, like on old film reel. I saw me as a baby with my parents. I was walking around, stumbling just a little. It skipped a few years to the day my baby brother was brought home. I looked down and into his carseat and got the biggest smile on my face. I was now at school, and the kids were shouting terrible things at me. They were kicking me on the ground. A boy with dark brown hair came to my rescue. He slammed the leader of the pack against a wall, despite how tiny he seemed. He then helped me to my feet as a few teachers ran to us.

Frank was at my house, and we were playing Scrabble. I reached over the board and my sleeve slid upwards. He saw all my scars and got a very serious look on his face.

Frank gently took my hand and pleaded, “Please don’t do that to yourself. I promise I’ll always be here no matter what.” We then hugged as the next memory turned up. I was in the doctor’s office, trying not to cry. I took out my phone to call somebody. This was only a few weeks ago.

The last memory was of Frank and I Laying together in the hospital bed. I felt the sensation of his hand in mine. I smelled the scent of coffee and cigarettes. We just sat there for a while before the image faded. A woman walked up to me in a dark cloak, but her hood was now down. She seemed to glow slightly.

“Gerard Way,” she whispered. “You can come with me and all of your pain will melt away.” Her green eyes pierced through me. “But you will forget everything you have ever known. You will have forgotten what it feels like to love and be loved. Everybody you have ever known will be washed away from your memory.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want that.” She smiled and tilted her head to the side.

“Nobody ever does,” she admitted. “There is a way for you to remember, but the pain of life will remain with you.” She handed me the necklace I used to wear often. The pendant was of a small star. Frank gave that to me for my birthday about six years ago. “Take this and carry it with you. You must never lose it, or you will be bound to the area where it has been lost forever. I will come back for you every two years to see if you want to go with me.” She rippled like water, and the image of the hospital room began to fade in.

Frank was crying along with my mother. I was crying, too.

I tried to call out to them. “Mom! Frank!” But they didn’t hear me. I was invisible to them.

 

**Frank's POV**

I got up early to go to the hospital, as always. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes as I ran in the big double doors, but as I approached Gerard’s room.. something was different. It was closed off, except to nurses. People scurried around frantically, yelling different terms and names that made my head fuzzy. Gerard’s heart monitor beeped out irregularly as always, but then it started to beep faster and faster. The noise grew and grew in my ears, enveloping me and blurring my vision. Louder and louder and louder, fast and faster and faster, until it wasn’t a beeping. It was one long, loud continuous beep. I felt like I’d run into a brick wall, I dropped to the ground gasping for air, choking out tears. I yelled for Gerard, but the nurses just told me everything was going to be okay. How was it going to be okay? I lost the only person I’d ever love. He was part of me. He was Gerard. And he’s gone. My breathing picked up faster and faster until I was gasping for air again. Donna sat beside me, throwing her arms tightly around me and hugging me close. Her hairspray-douses blonde curls stuck to the tears on my face as I buried my face in her chest.

“H-h-he’s g-gone” I sobbed out, “I-isn’t he..?”

She didn’t reply; she didn’t need to. We both knew he was gone. Memories flooded over me. Memories of cuddling and hugging, and late night whisperings of “You’re beautiful.. I love you.” when we thought the other was asleep; then finally the moment I woke up with his lips against mine. The tears flowed even more rapidly, sobs pouring from my throat; vomit threatening to come up after. I’d never feel his lips on mine again. He’s gone. He’d never know how I felt about him. We’d never cuddle again. I could never kiss him.  He was dead. He was gone. Like a ghost in the snow.


	5. This is How I Disappear

**Gerard's POV**

*3 Months Later*

My days went the same for the next few months. Wake up in Frank’s house. Try to wake him up. Fail. Sit around until he wakes up. Try to get him to see me again. Fail, again. Make him some food and try to pass it off as if my mom dropped by and set the food on the table. Watched him as he barely ate anything. eat what he didn’t after he left the room. Do the dishes.

Watch Frankie as he just stares at a wall, or a book, or my picture. Knock over a few things and call his name. See that he can’t hear me.

But my all time favorite time was when Frank fell asleep. I could control what happened in his dreams. Well, what I said and did. I wasn’t a creep, so I never tried to. . . yeah with him, but I did cuddle him and kiss him. After seeing him cry so much after waking up made me feel terrible, so I fanned out the dreams a little.

Today was different. I heard him sleep talking.

“Gee. . . Stay with me.”  I hadn’t entered his dream yet, and didn’t really plan to tonight. But it was different now. I saw him clutching my picture frame.

I crawled into the small bed with him and snuggled close to him. I was always the big spoon, but wished to be the little spoon every once-in-a-while.

“I’m here, Frank,” I whispered. “Always.” I kissed his cheek. I closed my eyes and focused on his breathing pattern.

Bam. His dream became my surrounding. I was in skinny jeans, my old Converse, and a black long sleeved shirt. And of course I was wearing my star necklace. Frank was sitting on the couch. I saw the back of his head. He had a navy blue hoodie on and was leaning forward like he always does when he’s watching TV or reading a book. I sat next to him and hugged him from the side.

“Hey, Gee.” He smiled at me, turning away his attention from the book in his hand. The Perks of being a Wallflower. Nice.

I leaned my head on his shoulder. taking in his scent. I missed the scent of the happy him. He smelled like soap and coffee. But no matter what, even with the strong smell of cigarettes on him, Frank’s smell would always be familiar and comforting.

“Frankie,” I said in a serious tone. His green eyes looked directly into mine. “I need you to see me when you wake up.” His gaze fell.

He moved away from me. “You aren’t real.” Frank stood up now. “You’re just my mind playing tricks on me! It’s not going to work this time.” He closed his eyes. “Go away.”

“What? No. I’m really here, you just have to see. Please.” I pleaded.

“Stop it!” he screamed. "I can't take this anymore!" He clawed at his hair. I moved across the room to stop him, but he cut me off. "I said go away and I meant it."

            "Frankie, please-"

             "I SAID GO AWAY! GET OUT OF MY LIFE! YOU'RE JUST A MEMORY!"  I realized we were both crying.

I noticed the dream was getting fuzzier. We had only a matter of time before it was time to wake up. "One last thing," I whispered. "Don't get scared when I'm throwing things. The angrier I get, the more I can be noticed." Frank backed away. "I love you, Frank. I always have and always will." My voice, like the scenery, began to fade. "Even when you ignore me."

                One by one, the interior of the room disappeared until Frank was the only thing left to see.

And even his light burned out eventually.

  
  


When Frank woke up, he headed straight to the phone. He was calling someone, an old friend of his. "I could really use a familiar face around here. I still need you pack up for Donna's." I forgot he was moving in with my mom. This apartment was too much for him to handle.

Within the hour, the friend of his arrived. Either Frank met him after moving to California, or the guy just coincidentally took a trip to LA. I didn't like the look of him. He sat in his pretentious clothes, on his pretentious ass, talking with his pretentious voice. I found a newspaper and pretentious was the "Word of the Day."

I knew this man, James I heard Frank call him, had the hots for my boyfriend. Well, not really my boyfriend. Yet. He just had to break the barrier. Once he saw me for the first time, it would begin to get easier and easier for him to believe. Then I wouldn't have to try so hard. I spent my night tripping him every time he got up.

           His stupid blue eyes and blond hair made me want to spit. James had a horrible taste in music. Hate was a strong word, but I was pretty close to it when it came to James.

           "So how long do you want me over for?" He asked with that flirtatious voice that made both Frank and I very uncomfortable.

           "Uuuuh. . ." Frank shifted in his seat. "I thought we could, you know, play video games or something."

           Pretentious Asshole chuckled. "I don't play video games." He leaned in close to Frank. "But I know some other games we can play."

           I couldn't take it anymore. I knocked over a pile of comic books on the table. Frank excused himself to the bathroom. I followed. He was looking at his face in the mirror. Damn, he looked so fucking confused and broken.

          I screamed, "Frank! Get this guy outta here! He's a poser, a fucking lame-ass poser, for crying it loud!" Once again, he didn't notice. I waved and jumped until I was throwing a full on tantrum. Crying, kicking, screaming, punching things.

        "I want you to see me, Frank! I DON'T WANT TO BE INVISIBLE ANYMORE!" What came next amazed me. My words became echoey. "LOVE ME AGAIN! SEE ME, FRANK!" His eyes widened and his gaze fell on the corner of the mirror. Frank spun around and threw water in his face afterward.

He saw me.

Even though it was just a glimpse of me in the mirror, I was still closer to making him believe than I had ever been to before. Not only that, but he heard me. Frank gripped the sides of the sink, whispering to himself.

“You can’t do this to yourself. He’s not here,” Frank repeated over and over. He was sweating through his thick gray t-shirt now. I touched his arm lightly and tried to take his hand in mine as he walked away from me. When the door closed, I let out a sob. There was something about being dead that made your emotions intensify. Maybe it was due to the loneliness. I was alone.

I wiped my nose on the back of my hand, a nervous habit I had. My reflection disgusted me. Dark shadows under my eyes like I was deprived of sleep, greasy, messy hair, tear stained face. What was really bothering me, though, is that I was hurting Frank. My little Frankie. I missed skipping school with him and playing scrabble. It would have be my senior year after this summer. I didn’t know if Frank would even go back.

People were always horrible to us. I never realized that the person who was the worst to me was myself. After I met Frank, things got better. He gave me hope again, something to look forward to seeing every day. His smile was contagious, and the way his eyes crinkled up when he grinned made my heart melt. Frank Iero was the meaning of perfection, in my opinion. And now I hurt him. He was always so kind to me and I was hurting him now more than ever. I shattered his heart to a million pieces.

But I couldn’t let him live like this. He would want to be with me if there were a way to. I swore that I would protect him like he protected me.

  
  


"Back for more? What took you so long in there?" I rolled my eyes. How could this guy possibly be making my hatred grow stronger?

         Frank scratched his neck and fixed the comic books. "I think you should leave."

           "Never wanted to be here anyway," he called from the hallway. I pushed him down the stairs.

        Frank is mine, bitch.

 

**Frank's POV**

I couldn’t deal with the pain anymore. It was too much. Ever since Gerard died, I couldn’t stand being anywhere we’d been together. His memory haunted me. Every thought was on him. Nearly every night I dreamed of him… He would come into my bedroom through the window like he did when I was grounded, and sit beside me on my bed. He wrapped his arms around me from behind and pulled me close. Sometimes he’d kiss me, his soft lips moving over mine slowly and desperately.  I always forgot it was a dream. It felt so real… But then I’d wake up, and the harsh reality of things hit me like a freight train. Gerard was dead. He’s never going to hold me like that again. He’s never going to sneak in through my window again. He’s never going to skip school with me again. He’s never going to kiss me. He’s never going to be with me again. He’s gone…  

I needed someone to get my mind off him. The loneliness was eating at me, making me feel nauseous and dizzy. Without Gerard, I didn’t exist. Without him, I’m nothing. I disappear. I lived to see his smile… But those days were over. I called up James, a guy I met at summer camp the time Gerard got chicken pox in the eighth grade. He even agreed to come over and everything… but when he came onto me… There was Gerard again. All I saw when I looked at James was _not Gerard_. He didn’t compare, he couldn’t. He tried to kiss me, but as he leaned in, a stack of comic books flew off my shelf. I started shaking even more than I already was.  _What the actual fuck?_  was the only thing on my mind… other than Gerard.

I excused myself to the bathroom to try to clear my head. I was soaked in sweat and on the verge of tears, choking them down. I looked at myself in the mirror, taking in my oily skin and unwashed hair caked in grease and sweat. I was a mess. I thought about how Gerard would hold me right then. How he’d wrap his arms around me and tell me everything would be okay. I started to cry, but then saw someone behind me in the mirror. Greasy black hair, hazel eyes, black t-shirt… No. It couldn’t be. I was just hallucinating. Gerard was dead. He was gone forever, but his voice still echoed in my head: "LOVE ME AGAIN! SEE ME, FRANK!". It was distant, but it was there. I couldn’t handle this. I rushed out of the bathroom and back to James.

"Back for more? What took you so long in there?"

I shook my head. “I think you should go..” I muttered looking at me feet.

James stood up and stomped over to the door. “Never wanted to be here, anyway!” he called as he slammed the door. As he left, I heard a faint crash. I ran out the door to see what had caused the noise and saw James lying at the bottom of the steps, moaning in a heap on the ground. My eyes widened in shock. I inhaled sharply and turned on my heels back to the apartment I’d been staying in in California, slamming the door shut behind me. I ran straight to my bed and climbed under the duvet, curling into a ball. I finally let it all out, sobbing violently. I tried to calm myself down, but the more I tried, the more I thought of Gerard. That reflection I’d seen of him.. his voice.. it was so real.. No.. I just wanted it to be real. I missed him too much. It was all in my head. My mind was playing tricks on me again… I never stopped crying. I fell asleep late into the night, mid-sob. Gerard didn’t visit me in my dreams again. I needed to get over him… but I couldn’t help being disappointed. It didn’t feel like my heart was shattered. My entire being was shattered. He was half of me. Without Gerard Way who is Frank Iero?... No one.


	6. Ghost of You

 

**< AN>Soooo we forgot some major stuff in this chapter and added it in. Sorry!!</AN>**

 

**Frank POV**

 “Gerard?” I reached out towards him, his image blurry and shimmery. Light rippled over him like he was a reflection rather than a person. He reached back, grasping desperately for my hand, but he just got farther away. Without another word, he dissipated into thin air, sinking into the atmosphere and becoming a part of it.

I woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air. Tears soaked my face and pillow. I curled into a tight ball, squeezing my eyes shut and wishing everything away. Even the memory of Gerard. But, I couldn’t. It was still there. I had to do something. I rolled out of bed and didn’t bother to put any clean clothes on. I’d slept in my jeans and t-shirt, anyway. I rushed out the door, wanting to get things done, to get anything done. I hadn’t been able to do anything since Gerard died. It was like someone shot me in the chest a million times, but I was the only one that could see the bullet wound and the shrapnel that scarred the rest of me; I just wanted to rest all the time, and forget about it. But that wasn’t an option, something had to be done.

I walked down out of my apartment and down the cracked sidewalk, kicking rocks as I went. In only a matter of minutes, I reached my destination: the Pagan gift shop, Luna’s Gifts and Paraphernalia. The tiny building sat isolated on a strip of what was meant to be a strip mall, but had been hit by a tornado before the end of construction. No one but the owner of Luna’s Gifts and Paraphernalia wanted to rebuild there. It was said to be haunted by the ghosts of construction workers that had died on site from the tornado. Luna didn’t care though, she welcomed the spirits with a giant sign inviting them into her shoppe.  Another sign read “Luna’s” in giant swirly letters above the red shoppe door. Vines grew all over the short black building and curved around the door handle. As I pressed on the handle, a little bell dinged above my head. Strong scents of burning sage, incense and candles washed over me in intoxicating amounts. The entire inside of the shoppe was as red as the door. Ancient looking books sat on dusty shelves next to jars of incense. Trinkets and puppets laid around and hung from the ceiling eerily, some looking as if they were about to jump down and commit a murder. Statuette creatures of glass and marble lined every wall like protection gargoyles. The whole place gave me the chills.

“May I help you?” a woman’s voice trilled.

I jumped a little and turned around to see Luna standing behind me.  Her dark red hair was pulled back in a loose bun and tied with a bright blue bandana. She wore a wrinkled blue t-shirt and a long white skirt hung loosely from her hips down to her ankles.

“Oh uh.. hi.. I uh.. I’m looking for a uh ouija board..” I don’t know how I was expecting her to react. Maybe shocked? But she didn’t display any emotion at all. She just scurried around in tight little circles muttering to herself and singing under her breath. She looked all around and under everything, until she finally stopped under a round table covered by a blue velvet blanket. She lifted up the blanket to see underneath. “Aha!” she grinned and pulled out a huge wooden board with strange letters and markings covering the surface. She’d found exactly what I’d asked for, but I was still creeped out. Those things couldn’t work, but seeing it there in the rusty light of the shoppe made it seem way too real.

“Here we are” she sing-songed, carrying the board to the cash register. I took out my wallet and forked over twenty dollars.

“Keep the change.”

She grinned at me again and handed me my receipt. I nodded at her and picked up the board to carry it home. I examined it closely as I walked. It was made of light oak wood and had tiny scratches etched into the surface. I couldn’t help but hope it would work. I needed contact with Gerard. I needed it.

I reached my apartment and turned the key in the lock to let myself in. I went straight to my bed, throwing the ouija board on top and sitting in front of it. My fingers trailed over the letters lightly. I was scared, but I had to reach Gerard. I unpinned the planchette from the side of the board and placed it in the middle, my finger touching it lightly.

I sucked in a deep breath. “Is there anyone here?”

My arms prickled as some invisible force moved the planchette slowly to the Yes. “Are you Gerard? Is Gerard here?” the words rushed from my mouth. Again, the planchette moved to the Yes. Tears started to form in my eyes, burning them until I allowed them to spill over. “Can you show me you? Let me see you…” I pleaded. The planchette flew across the room and clattered against a wall. With a loud popping sound, the light bulb in my lamp blew out. The only light came in from outside, pouring in unevenly through my tiny bedroom window. My breath sped up. What if I had made a mistake? What if it wasn’t him? What if… My thoughts were cut off by arms snaking their way around my waist and a chin resting on my shoulder.

“Hey, Frankie…” a familiar voice cooed in my ear. Shivers erupted over my body, racing down my spine and pouring out through my fingertips. It was him. Gerard. He was here. I burst into happy tears and whirled around to hug him tightly. He held me against him and shushed me. “It’ll be okay, Frankie… I’m here…” I sobbed into his chest and soaked up his warmth. I never wanted to leave his arms again.

**Gerard POV**

Something was off the day I watched Frank walk out of the house. He hadn’t left since he moved to the small apartment. My mom would drop by occasionally to bring living supplies, and Mikey would try to cheer him up. It was all backwards. My family moved on faster than Frank. I wasn’t complaining; I needed my family to move on. They could talk about me, they were able to grieve correctly.

Frank’s mom didn’t contact him, not even once.

Frankie looked like a wreck, walking outside. He was a wreck. A bad feeling passed over me as I leaned my forehead against the glass of the window. This wasn’t good. I had to let him be, but I wanted so desperately to follow him to the destination.

There was a board in his hands when Frank returned. I knew this day was coming. I followed him into his bedroom when he threw the supplies on the bedspread. It was a ouija board. A ouija board.

What the actual fuck Frank?

“Is anyone here?” He asked, voice so small. As soon as I tried to open my mouth to speak, my body was thrown against the wall. I couldn’t move. An ugly creature walked towards him.

I screamed, “Get away!” The creature’s red eyes glowered at me, then his form changed. I saw the reflection of myself, like looking into water. I could still see the creature underneath the mask.

It sat right by Frank and moved the planchette. He asked to see him. I felt the invisible force on myself loosen, and I ran to him. The first thing I could think to do was throw the board across the room, and I did exactly that. Breathing heavily, I tried to manifest myself to show Frank. I shut my eyes tightly and tried to anger myself enough to show him even a glimpse of the real me. It was too late. The creature had its arms around Frank.

“Hey Frankie. . .” it whispered. He kissed Frank’s greasy hair. I couldn’t move, once again.

Frank cheered, “Gee!” He was crying and hanging onto the demon for dear life. I was paralyzed, frozen with more than just fear. I couldn’t breathe, not that I had to.

“Frank!” the demon said suddenly. “You can be with me forever.” He nodded anxiously. Don’t be stupid, Frank. Please. The room grew dark, faded only for a second. A man with blond hair and brown eyes now sat, legs crossed over one another, on the bed. His hair was curly, and his face angelic. He was wearing a black T-shirt, with ripped skinny jeans and Converse. Altogether, the man was handsome, beautiful even.

Lucifer was beautiful. He was once favored, but his ideas cast him out of Heaven.

There Frank was, standing in the presence of the Devil. He was oblivious to the fact that I was right behind him. They faded out of view. The next thing I saw was of myself sitting with Frank. Planting kisses on his nose.

“That isn’t me, though, Frankie, “I said, my voice small. The demon, which I presumed to be Abaddon, glanced at me. I saw the fire in it’s eyes, but I also saw something I wouldn’t expect. I saw a great sadness. It was hidden, of course, by the madness and anger, but it was there.

**  
  
**

I was forced to watch Frank live with that thing for the next few weeks. I could hardly bear to watch. My cries for Frank got weaker and weaker, until one day I just sat there. My body was exhausted from the events. My heart shattered as every second went by. I was still able to go into Frank’s dreams, though. It was then that I warned him, and tried to let him see behind the mask.

“Frankie, baby, we need to have a talk.” I would never call him baby. Darling, yes. Baby, never in a million years.

Frank sat to face Abaddon on the couch. “What is it, Geebee?”

Abaddon look Frank straight in the eyes, which doesn’t make any sense because I’m gay as fuck. He took a deep breath. “I think I’m going to leave,” he muttered. Frank look away. “I didn’t really feel the same as you, I just wanted to make you happy. Hey,” he took Frank’s chin with his fingertips and turned his face. “I’m so sorry, babe.” Something in Frank’s face twisted, his eyes flickered. I think he finally started to believe me.

After that, Abaddon left the apartment. My best friend sat on the couch for what seemed like hours. Finally, he broke down in sobs. I tried to make him happy again, with hugs and kisses. But he couldn’t see me.

I began to think he never would.

 


	7. House of Wolves

**Frank's POV**

 

****

I finally had Gerard back. Everything was perfect. What did I do? Was it something I said…? He broke up with me. He left. I lost him again, and he’s really gone this time… I couldn’t leave the couch where he spoke those last words to me. I curled into myself, a sobbing mess. I didn’t want it to be true. I’d loved him for so long, he was my best friend. And then, out of the blue, he dumps me. He didn’t love me anymore. My phone rang several times, but I never answered it. I could barely move. I felt like all the feeling had been drained from my body again. It felt like Gerard had died all over again. It took hours, but eventually I slept, a small humming resonating in my ears as I drifted off.

“I love you. I’ll come back for you. That wasn’t me. I’m trying so hard. I love you, Frankie.” Gerard tried to hug me but I wouldn’t let him touch me. I shrunk away from him, tears bursting from my eyes and pouring down my cheeks. Gerard was crying, too, desperately reaching for me. But this wasn’t Gerard. Gerard didn’t love me. He left. This Gerard was just a figment of my imagination. “Frankie-” he called out.

I woke up drenched in sweat and tears. I hadn’t dreamed of Gerard in months. Now he’s back haunting my dreams again. I buried my face in my hands. I couldn’t deal with the pain. I got out my ouija board again, but this time I didn’t summon Gerard.

“Lucifer.” my voice was rough and raspy from all my sobbing. I placed my fingers on the planchette again and waited. It slowly moved to the Yes.

“I want Gerard to love me again. I’ll give you anything..” I was hysterical. I’d seen people on TV make deals with the devil all the time. It couldn’t be that hard. I just wanted Gerard to love me again. The planchette didn’t move. Desperation and fear overtook me.

“JUST MAKE HIM LOVE ME GODDAMN IT” I threw the board across the room, and it started to smoke. The foggy black mist swirled around a tall figure. It stepped out with a huge grin on it’s handsome face. I immediately knew it was Lucifer. The blonde curls and blue eyes aren’t what I imagined, but I could still tell. His aura seemed to whisper to me, sending out warnings to everything around him. His long purple robe flowed over his shoulder and onto the floor behind him like liquidized satin. From it, he pulled a parchment scroll and a quill.

“You have to sign.” his voice wasn’t evil. It was placid and amused, a hint of laughter in it. It sent chills up my spine. The face of evil.

I stepped off my bed slowly, the floor creaking beneath my feet as I approached him. Apprehension clawed at my throat, but I shoved it back down and buried it. I needed Gerard. I took the scroll and quill, clumsily scribbling my name onto the dotted line at the bottom of the page. I didn’t bother to read the contract. I knew what I wanted, and I knew this was the only way to get it. As soon as I made the last swooping O of my name, the scroll caught fire and disappeared into the same foggy smoke Lucifer had appeared in. The devil smirked at me and winked.

“He loves you.” and with that he was gone. No smoke or footprints were left behind to show he was ever there. I inhaled deeply and fell backwards onto the sofa. I’d just made a deal with the devil. Gerard loved me again. Everything was going to be okay. I called out for Gerard a few times before sleep overtook me. Lucifer plagued my dreams, laughing at me with one of his companions, Abbadon. I just watched them. Was that all I had to pay for Gerard’s love? It was okay. I was okay. I just hoped I’d see him soon.

 

**Gerard's POV**

 

****

As a sat with Frank on the couch, I thought of how I used to hum to Mikey whenever he had a nightmare. My fingertips passed over his arm in a constant motion. I hummed softly in his ear in the tune of You Are my Sunshine. His sobs broke up until he was fast asleep.

**  
  
**

Frank stood in the presence of the Devil. He made the deal. He wanted me to love him again.

“He loves you,” he said with a sly grin, glancing at me for half a second. A look of confusion and guilt passed over Frank. I sighed and hit my forehead against the cold wall. He seemed to respond to it, but went on with his night. After that, he seemed different. Less and less emotional. He was exhausted to the point that he felt numb. I didn’t realize until then that I was, too.

“Gerard,” whispered an angelic face. “Wake up,” it sang. I opened my eyes to come face to face with brown eyes.

“Frankie?” I asked. He kissed me on the lips. Oh, it was heavenly. His form changed, immediately afterward. Golden curls, eyes changing shape just a bit. Instinctively, I pushed him away. It was Lucifer.

“Awe,” he cocked his head to the side. “Little shy, are we?”

“Get away from me!” I screamed and kicked him in the knee. He grabbed my foot with beautifully pale hands. Shit. He was gorgeous!

The blond boy stood over me. “Don’t you want your boyfriend’s soul back? Hmm?” he asked. I pushed the gray sheet away from my face and sat up.

I didn’t think for a single second. “What do I have to do?”

Lucifer leaned in close by my ear and whispered, “Bring me the souls of 100 evil men.” I nodded tentatively. “For this, you will have the powers of a demon. A list will appear in the morning.” The walls behind him seemed to fade as he talked. “Do we have a deal?”

I nodded once again. “Yes,” I stated in a serious tone.

“Seal it with a kiss.” I brought him close to me and pecked him on the lips. “I expect highly of you, Gerard Way.” He melted away from my view.

I, Gerard Arthur Way, had just made a deal with the Devil.


	8. Mama

**Frank's POV**

 

He loves me… What is that supposed to mean..? He loves me… A wave of nausea crashed into my stomach rolling over it and into my chest, burying itself deep inside. My hands instantly flew to my throat, grasping at it, trying to find something to suggest that I’m breathing… nothing. I tried to open my mouth to gasp for the air my throat so desperately begged for, but my jaw wouldn’t budge. It was as if my jaws were glued together, completely stuck. I whimpered and moaned, hoping someone could hear, but no one appeared to. No one was around… My head whipped from side to side in a panic. I wasn’t in my room anymore. The dark walls and four poster bed were gone, replaced with nothingness. That’s all there was: pure, white, inescapable, nothingness.

It couldn’t be nothing, though. Something was keeping me that way. A warm, billowing something kept me trapped under it’s invisible weight, rendering me immobile. My arms, legs, fingers, toes, all rendered useless by this something. It was like hot glue: sticking me to the air, not floating, but attached somewhere, somehow; always with a choking sensation, a gagging sensation. I could feel the bile risen at the back of my throat and the tears already stinging the backs of my eyes, but it was frozen there. unmoving. I was stuck in a permanent state of suffering.. That place in your break down, the place where nothing’s worth it; the place where everything hurts the worst, and it wouldn’t let go. It held me there, unable to shake away any of the excruciating pain. A low buzzing occupied the eery silence, complimenting the only thought the dark lord would allow me: Gerard loves me. This should’ve been comforting, but it wasn’t. I’d made a mistake, and I felt it… I knew it… But I was helpless. Caught in the void.

“Frankie” a familiar,  low, charming voice called out to me from somewhere. It was like an echo, a soft sound, but still everywhere, filling up my head and mind, choking me even more. “I’ve come for you… It’s time for you to come home with me, sweetheart.”

How long had it been? I couldn’t tell. It could be hours, days, months, even years. But, now it was time to go. Now I was floating, but not upwards: I think. There was no ceiling or floor, I could’ve been upside down and I’d never know. There was no direction there. An invisible force pulled me from my stagnant, painful position; finally releasing me from the grips of panic. I gulped up the air, breathing heavily and blinking rapidly. I couldn’t see anything, even the white was gone. It was something else. Something indescribable. There was no colour or shade anymore; my body wasn’t there, I just was. I knew I was somewhere, but I was just existing. There was nothing but the force, constantly pulling me towards an unknown destination, following the charming voice.

Suddenly, it stopped. The same wave of nausea from before hit me, but this time I didn’t feel the panic. I wasn’t in the void anymore… I was somewhere else. It was dark here, with blinding white lights peaking out from random places in the walls, floor and ceiling. The voice’s owner was nowhere to be seen, I was completely alone. I breathed in deeply, appreciating perhaps for the first time my ability to do so. I could once again feel my chest rising and falling, letting me know I was alive. My legs tingled, prickles running up and down them. Somehow, this told me ‘move forward’, so I did. I closed my eyes and lifted my leg to take a single step, only to be met with the blare of what must’ve been thousands of sirens. I resisted the urge to scream and cover my face, instead, standing completely still. I couldn’t show them I was afraid. I couldn’t…

The sirens finally stopped after what seemed like an eternity of whaling, and the noise was replaced with an aching silence. The void was soon filled with a new voice, a bright, cheery female voice.

“Hello, Frank Iero, and welcome to layer one. Your hell begins now. Thank you for doing business with us.” with an audible click, the voice was gone, and I was alone again. It was the white void again, choking me and freezing me; my only thought: Gerard loves me.

 

**Gerard's POV**

 

When I woke up, Frank wasn’t in his bed. I sat up and heard a whimpering from the ground. There was fear in his eyes, but this wasn’t a normal type of fear. He looked distant, like his mind wasn’t in the house. The realization hit me like a blow to the stomach. Not my darling Frankie. Not him. No!

There was a slip of paper on the desk. It read: Hello, Mr. Way. If you want him safe again, follow these instructions exactly. I looked over at Frank shaking, crying out. Don Peters, lives 289 Parkway Drive. Bring me his soul. You’ll know what to do. More notes will appear once you’ve finished your jobs. It’s been a pleasure doing business with you.

There was a tinge in my heart. I don’t know what it was; anger, sadness, worry. I couldn’t feel anymore. My emotions had started blending together and bleeding on each other like colored clothes in a washing machine. All I was sure about was the burning sensation all over my body. Cold as ice and hot as coals all at the same time.

I concentrated on the address on the slip of paper for what seemed like ten minutes before I began to melt away. When I opened my eyes, I was in a dark room. There were two girls tied up and a man standing holding a bloody knife. One of the girls lay still in a pool of blood. The other sobbed and pleaded for her life.

“Don Peters,” I said in a rough, broken voice. He responded, mouth gaping open in surprise. His feet moved quickly for a bigger guy. He tried to slash me with his knife, but I moved last second. It’s not like it would have made a difference, anyway, I mean, I was already dead.

Swerving behind him, I placed my hand on his shoulder and dug my nails into his skin. There was a light blue light underneath his skin and I grasped on to it. Using all of my strength, I ripped his soul away from him. Don landed in a heap on the ground. The next thing did was walk over to the girl who was sobbing.

“I’m gonna help you, okay?” I whispered softly. “I won’t hurt you.” She looked to be about fifteen, with scared, brown eyes and tangled black hair. Slowly, I brought my hands to the knots and untied the rope. “What’s your name?” I asked.

“K-krisie,” she mumbled. I smiled at her.

I stated, “My name is Gerard. I’ll get you out.” I stood her up and held her hands. The dirty metal walls melted away. I took off my jacket and wrapped it around her half naked body when we got to the police station. Nobody seemed to see me as she explained.

  
When I returned to the house, Frank was still on the floor. I picked him up and placed him gently in the bed. Trying my best not to cry, I stroked his hair and tried to calm him. He closed his eyes and mumbled nonsense. His mind wasn’t here still, but I knew he could hear me. Frank was trying to respond to me.


	9. The Sharpest Lives

<<AN>> I apologize for not updating very quickly. I've lost a lot of motivation lately, but we will try to make more frequent updates <</AN/>

**Frank's POV**

        I knew now what had happened; where I was. ‘This is hell, isn’t it?’ I thought.

“It is.” the handsome blonde man from before confirmed.

More thoughts flooded through my head, until a single one unraveled them all. I could think. Nothing was blocking it out anymore. ‘Are you setting me free?’ I directed the thought at the  blonde man. Through the pitch black, I knew it was him. It’s strange how that works. I can’t feel a single thing. After the deep, stabbing pains, the devil let me rest.

“No, no, my dear Frankie.” He chuckled almost maniacally. “You just passed your first layer. My apologies for the lack of festive party poppers and confetti. Only twelve more to go. Aren’t you excited?”

‘Wh-what? Why twelve more…?’ I tried hard not to stutter, but it slipped through. I had no idea what he had in store for me, and that just might’ve been the most terrifying thing of all.

“You sinned!” his voice boomed, sending chills through my spirit, making him laugh. “You sinned.. so you must pay.” he whispered.

I almost slapped myself for whimpering. I should’ve, showing weakness wouldn’t help anything..

“If you need a bit of reminding.. here is what you are guilty of:” he cleared his throat loudly. “Self abuse, anger, backbiting, banqueting, bitterness, blasphemy, burying talents, chambering, corrupt communications, covetousness, defiling the body, dishonesty, and  disobedience to parents.” he rattled off almost cheerfully.

I nearly puked. He couldn’t be serious.

“Oh, but I am serious, Frank. Very serious indeed. Now.. We will begin shortly with layer two. I made sure to mix things up so you wouldn’t get bored. You have finished your punishment for bitterness. Now, face the rest of your filthy sins. Goodbye, Mr. Iero.”

He was gone. I could sense his presence lift from the room as the pressure dropped firmly on my shoulders.

“Phase Two” a sickly sweet voice announced. I braced myself for not being able to breathe, for anything like before. But, what came, I did not expect.

I could make out a faint yellow light in the distance, illuminating a frail woman with a long, dark brown ponytail tossed over her shoulder. A costumey nurses uniform fit snugly around her hips. and her cleavage was nearly bursting out of her cream coloured top. She leaned over an old wooden desk, scribbling on a piece of paper. I had to see what she was writing. I needed to know why she was here, and if she could maybe even help me out of here. I stood up shakily, happy to see my body back as it was. A thermal burgundy shirt clung to my sweaty chest, and the cuffs of my jeans brushed against my heels as I walked. It seemed like the more I walked, the farther I got to the nurse. She kept drifting farther and farther away. Eventually, I started to jog, running after her. I pumped my arms and took long, dragging breaths, pushing myself to run faster, but to no avail. She clapped her bony hands, the light blowing out suddenly. Darkness prevailed once again. It surrounded me, closed in, and engulfed me. It was an inky ocean, and I was drowning in it.

“Hello!” I called, desperation clutching at my high strung vocals.

Something hard hit my head and puttered to the ground. My head stung and throbbed, and I lifted a hand to rub at it. I reached to the ground and ran my hand over the smooth surface, searching for the something that had hit me. Finally my fingers closed around something small and rough. I picked it up and turned it over in my hand. The cold, jagged edges ran over my skin, leaving tiny scratches wherever it touched. Through the darkness, I could tell what I was holding. A rock, gravel. I thought maybe the nurse had thrown it at me, but I never found out.

Another rock, a bigger one this time, struck me in the abdomen, forcing out a soft grunt. More rocks came, in every shape and size. Sharp pain rose from every place the rocks hit, tingling and burning into my bones. I felt my mind going numb, and panic rose in my throat. I was being stoned. They came faster, nearly knocking me over with every strike. I felt my stomach churn as I tried to call for help. They disabled my voice again. I couldn’t yell, couldn’t speak. I could only stand there and take the stones as they came. Soon, my forehead felt warm and sticky. The liquid ran down my temple into my face. My tongue licked over it gently,confirming what I had guessed. It was blood. It started running faster as more rocks were aimed at my head. It flowed into my eyes, burning and forcing them shut. Now they hit my face. The first one hit my nose, a muffled crunch resounding in my ear drums. Rocks pounded at my groin, forcing me to double over in pain. No matter how much I tried to cover it, it still managed to hurt just as bad. As they rained in, harder, they hit everywhere. No where was safe from the rocks. I wanted to vomit terribly, but I couldn’t. I guess they wouldn’t allow it. That would be relief, and I needed to feel the worst pain available. I needed to suffer. The rocks started to pile up at my feet, forcing them together. As they reached my waist, I felt some sort of sick, dizzy relief. It was almost over. The rocks kept coming, overflowing and toppling over one another. I stood there in triumph. I thought I’d made it.

The rocks stopped hitting me. I thought it was all finished, and I even nearly sighed with relief, but it was far from finished. It was just getting started. A boulder struck my head, knocking me onto the ground, rocks digging into my skin and gut. More rained down, crushing me beneath them. My bones snapped like twigs. I never knew just how many bones were in the human body before I felt each and every one of them tested under such great weight and pressure. The boulders kept coming, even after my spine was pounded into chunks, they kept pouring over me. They buried me alive. The only thing remaining intact, my skull. I could watch and hear and smell my body being destroyed. I could feel it all with more intense clarity than I’d ever felt before.

 

Finally, after what felt like hours, the boulders stopped. No one came to help me up, though. I just laid there beneath the boulders, covered in blood and gravel. The searing pain kept me awake, or maybe they just wouldn’t let me fall asleep. Either way, I was left there with a loud, persistent ringing in my ears, and an aching, broken body.

**Gerard's POV**

 

When I woke up, it was dark. I squinted, trying to adjust to the small glowing light I saw next to me. Frank had been sucking all of the light out of anything that was in the room, his soul trying to gather strength to keep going. I saw it in his chest, his heart beating slowly and glimmering reds and oranges. Like a fire crackling in a metal barrel.

He whimpered, as always. Though he was right in front of me, he wasn’t really next to me. Frank was somewhere in Hell, and I was working to get him out and get him safe.

My feet connected with the cold floor and I tried to balance my dizzy body. I didn’t bother changing; I never did. Dead is what I was, and I acted just so as I paraded myself around, ripping souls near and far. Some of them didn’t speak English, but I knew what they were saying. It was translated in the back of my mind. They all said the same. “Please, I’m sorry. Please don’t.” I did anyway, every time. After a few times, it got easier. It began to do something to me. My hair turned red, my eyes turned black.

The small card with neatly scrawled words sat on my dresser as it always did. I enclosed my boney fingers around it and left the room so I could see what it said. “Lacey Marell,” I said aloud, my voice rough. I read the address and snapped my fingers, appearing in the dark room instantly. I didn’t pay much attention to the details anymore, just got the job done and went home to sleep so I could do it again the next day.

The woman sat in a chair, light hair neatly in an updo and her soft hands together in her lap. “H-have you come for me?” she asked, not turning to look at me. This didn’t seem right, not this time. She was expecting me.

I walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. Lacey’s blue dress clung to her body as if it had been years ago when she wore it last. She looked to be in her sixties. She looked up at me with green eyes. “Before I go, may I tell you the reason I am in the position I’m in today?” I nodded slowly. “Twenty years ago,” she breathed in slowly and closed her eyes, “my husband was diagnosed with cancer. The doctors told us it was terminal, but I wouldn’t have that. I sold my soul to the young man with the brown eyes in order to save his life.” She looked down.

Lacey didn’t deserve this; she was only protecting family. But it had to be done. “I am so sorry for this, Mrs. Marell.”

“Just get it over with,” she whispered. I sighed and placed a hand on her shoulder. Her whole body tensed as I pulled out a silhouette and placed it laying across the bed next to the vanity. My fingers tapped lightly and she dissolved into the sheets, leaving the scent of roses. I picked up the lifeless body of Lacey and lay her down where her soul had once been.

Suddenly, the room began to fade away and the sound of clapping filled my ears.

“Nice work, Mr. Way! Nice work!” The blond boy sat on the floor with his legs crossed over each other. “Come, sit down.” He pointed to a spot in front of him. I obeyed knowing the consequences would be dire if I didn’t listen.

“You took away the soul of a seemingly gentle, kind woman without any fuss. I’m proud of you.”

“Can I get Frank yet?” I asked right away, wanting to get to business right then and there.

He stood up and looked at the ceiling, placing a hand on his chin. “Ah, but he hasn’t finished yet. He’s just getting started/ And you, too!” There was a mocking in his voice. “Now if you’ll excuse me,” he started to walk away.

He began to walk away from me.

“No!” I shouted, flicking my fingers upward. If he were a mere mortal, then his body would have been seized, under my control and only that; only the power he gave me. The powers of a demon, I would’ve laughed at myself if there were any amount of happiness left in me.

He stopped and turned, smiling at me sideways. “Oh,” his angelic voice went up an octave. “So I see you’re trying to keep me here.” He walked over to me quickly, throwing his hands on the side of my face, pinning me to the wall. “Have you forgotten who gave you these powers?” He whispered, breath hitting my face. The sweet scent of pomegranates filled my nose. He dropped his hands, but still looked me in the eyes with those glassy, golden orbs of his.

“You think you’re so tough.” He scoffed. “You don’t even realize what my powers possess!” Lucifer backed away from me now, blond curls bouncing as he did so. “I can read every little thought in that beautifully impure, broken mind of yours. You may think you’re innocent, but I can assure you, Gerard, you aren’t.” He twitched his hand and I was suddenly like a doll. Like his doll.

“Much more than a doll,” the voice shrill and also gentle. He grinned at me. “You’re my bitch, Gerard Way. I’ve got a hold on you.” He cocked his head to the side and breathed deeply. “You crave it now. You crave the souls of those men. It’s tearing you apart as your grace crumbles at your feet.

“Yes, you want Frank back for yourself. But you crave all that pain, the color of scarlet, the taste of metal on your tongue. You crave me now!” He chuckled. “I was His favorite and no matter how much you try to get away from me, I’ll still be there in the back of your mind. No matter how much you say you hate me, I will become your favorite. No matter how many times I can rip out your heart and shatter it, you still want me. You want my power.”

Lucifer backed away, fading into the darkness. “Don’t play games with the devil, Mr. Way, if you’re not prepared to lose.”

 


End file.
